I woke up yesterday morning at about 4:45 a.m wide awake with thoughts already flooding my mind, which wasn’t even fully awake. I keep a journal by my bed, so once my hand woke up too, I started writing it all down. It was just pure realization after realization.
Truths about what is really important and priority in life. Truths about soaking up every moment. Truths about balance and never taking anything for granted. Truths about finding joy in the mundane tasks that accompany answered prayers. Truths about avoiding a life of regret. Truths about the quality of the attention we give and who we give it too. Truths about the value of simplicity. Truths about how at times our greatest distractions can be birthed from our own good intentions of trying so hard to take care of so much …
Thought after thought just keep dancing around my mind and I started to see how these thoughts danced with the truths of my own life. I pray everyday for heavenly wisdom and in that early morning quiet I felt like God whispered into my soul and reshape my perspective on life. I ended up crying right there out of gratefulness. Grateful that he would whisper these truths before I got lost to their reality. Like a sweet gentle reminder of what path in the woods could come up, and not to take it.
I’m pretty much a person who doesn’t really sweat the small stuff, is laidback, and creatively free. But in many other aspects I’m super ordered, organized, and very structured. I live by lists. I multitask more than I should. I don’t like to disappoint the people around me. If something needs to be done, I hate putting it off and it will be on my mind until it’s done. This in itself is not always bad. But I feel like the gentle warning was to balance that so that it can be used in a good way and not become something that suffocates my life, especially as time goes on and my plate of life becomes fuller. I don’t want to ever put anything before what’s really important and I never want to take anything for granted. Lately I had been thinking a lot about how I approach my days and each moment in them, and this was just the next level of confirmation for things God had already brought to my attention.
Instead of getting tired of the laundry constantly piling up and the house needing to be cleaned all the time. I’ll remember the days I prayed to God to be able to have clothes and be thankful that I have a house to be cleaned. That it’s a blessing to have stuff around the house that isn’t just my own stuff because that means there is a loved one there too.
Instead of working as much as possible on the projects that are in my heart, set aside the weekends to be a no email, no social media, and no work time. Anything can wait til Monday and I can unplug and enjoy the season of life that I’m in. You’re not always in your twenties. It shouldn't be wasted constantly looking a laptop or smartphone.
Instead of worrying about getting stuff done, snuggle up with my husband even more. The husband I prayed for, the husband I didn’t always get to wake up with, I didn’t always get to come home too, the person that God blessed me with to love.
Instead of putting the routines of life and errands at such a high importance, go hang out with my grandma even more, really settle in and ask her to tell me stories about her life.
In the years to come there will always be laundry, cleaning, orders, e-mails, errands, and work. But the times I will remember are the times that mattered. Just laying on Kevin’s chest while he holds me, hearing a story about my grandma that will shock me into laughter, and spending time with the friends that allowed me to understand what family really feels like. Some of my favorite days are when me and Kevin just relax and chill or take a random walk and talk for hours. Or the times where me, Kevin, Ernest, and Chanel will walk around the city and just enjoy the day and explore.
I know that usually loss brings this perspective of gratefulness and priority, after the reality that what mattered is already gone. I never want to live with the regret that my heart wasn’t thankful or that my attention was on the wrong thing when it didn’t need to be. I’m thankful that this was poured into my heart so deeply now, before I took people for granted, before I had kids, and before I got lost in keeping up. So so so so grateful for the grace.